Baby Steps Backwards
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: SEQUEL TO FAMILY MATTERS. Angst, Drama and a side order of romance, Lindsay is forced to take on the role of mother without telling Danny. What happens when Stella blurts it out when Lindsay's shot?
1. Chapter 1: Positive

Detective Lindsay Monroe stood at her sink, the stick in her hand and a forlorn look on her face. A positive pregnancy test. This was going to complicate everything.

Her relationship with Danny Messer had blossomed and progressed six months prior when her niece was accused of murder and they'd been in a state of honeymoon bliss since. They just clicked like that and kept personal out of professional much better than she'd thought they would.

But pregnancy? She wasn't sure if either of them were all that ready for a baby in their lives.

She sighed as she set the stick down on the edge of her sink, her hands curling around the edge of the counter. She wasn't sure if she was ready to do this again. With the hours she kept at the New York Crime Lab, a baby wasn't a good choice.

Still, half of her was more than excited at the prospect of being a mother. Her parents would finally be proud of her for something.

What about Danny? They hadn't talked about having kids because it hadn't crossed their minds. It was an unspoken agreement that they wait for if or when they got married. Her decision was made. She wouldn't tell him just yet.

Her phone chose that moment to ring merrily, though Lindsay was more tempted to whip it across the room than answer it. Still, it was Mac and she didn't get much of a choice.

"Monroe."

* * *

She met Stella Bonasera at the crime scene, her stomach still churning from the effects of the subway ride. This was the worst part, the idea of morning sickness. 

"Morning, Lindsay. You okay?"

"Peachy," Lindsay responded, managing a tight smile. The effect of a week of overtime and little time with Danny was starting to show and she knew it.

"Are you sure? I'm sure Mac would be fine with you taking a few days off."

"I'm fine, Stella, okay?" She sighed. "Just tired."

Stella shot Lindsay an overly concerned look. "Mac hasn't got you working crazy hours again, does he? I told him to back off a bit…"

"No, Stel. I'm working normal hours, I promise," Lindsay said reassuringly, even if she was only telling a half truth. It was, after all, her decision to work the overtime. It was better than going home without Danny. "I… haven't been sleeping."

Stella's brow creased. "Everything's okay though right? With you and Danny I mean."

Lindsay allowed a soft smile to slide over her lips, the same one that always did when Danny was on her mind. "We're fine."

"Just fine?"

"Stella! You're worse than a gossip magazine," Lindsay exclaimed, bagging a hair, then a fibre.

Stella picked something up with her tweezers, looking at it in confusion. "What is this?"

Lindsay scrutinized the bit, a frown on her face. "I have no idea, but is that a big piece of potato?" She knew most trace was going to be a write off because they were in a kitchen, but the potato piece she picked up looked like it had been broken, not cut.

Stella shook her head, her mind already shifting back to work. "What the heck happened here?"

* * *

Lindsay walked into the break room when she and Stella made it back from the scene and dropped their evidence bags off. Originally, she made a beeline for the coffee maker, but decided against it, remembering that high doses of caffeine weren't good for a baby. Instead, she searched the cupboard for a tea bag, surprised when she couldn't find one. 

She let out a frustrated huff as she finished inspecting the last cupboard, then jumped when a hand brushed her hip. "Danny!"

"Good morning to you too, Montana," Danny responded, smiling as he went to make himself a cup of coffee. He brought the cup to his lips to take a sip, made a face, and poured it down the sink. Then he faced her. "You up for breakfast? Coffee here sucks."

Lindsay sighed. This was the hard part. "I wish I could, but I've got evidence to process. Can you do me a favour though and pick me up a tea if you go out?"

"Tea?"

"Don't feel like coffee," she lied. She forced herself not to hold her breath as he studied her. She hated lying and was generally horrible at it but she hoped that, just this once, he would take her request and reason at face value.

He shook his head. "One tea it is. I'll come find you."

She rewarded him with a dazzling smile. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said, kissing his cheek quickly before exiting the room.

Danny watched her back until she turned the corner out of his sight. Lindsay never drank tea unless she was upset. Making a mental note to ask her about it, he meandered off down the hall to the elevator, his mind set on a half decent cup of coffee, his thoughts consumed by Lindsay.

* * *

She was on the phone when she stepped into the trace lab later that afternoon, Stella already going over evidence. 

"Noon on Thursday is perfect, thank you for fitting me in on such short notice," she said into the cell phone at her ear. Then she said goodbye, pulled it from her ear and snapped it shut.

"Appointment?"

"Doctor," Lindsay answered. "I need a check up."

Stella raised an eyebrow but didn't ask more questions. "So the chunk you grabbed was indeed a potato. Trace on the bullet is also potato."

"Poor man's silencer," Lindsay volunteered. "From the kitchen?"

"Potatoes were in one of the bottom drawers by the fridge," Stella agreed.

"Means we can probably rule out the family."

"Back to robbery gone wrong, but wrong for one of the robbers, not by the family."

"Exactly."

"Also means we're back to evidence, but no suspects."

Lindsay smiled at Stella. "Story of our lives."

* * *

_**I know I said I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow, but then I checked and found out that I have over 200 reviews for Christmas Wishes. Consider this my gift to those that read both!**_

_**I'm warning you now, this is 7 chapters and moves fast. The case isn't important in this one, unlike Family Matters. The interaction between Danny and Lindsay is important and so is Lindsay's problems with talking to Danny. It'll make sense later, but I do want you guys to understand that there isn't going to be a lot of sweet little breaks between this stuff. I had a goal, and I followed that goal. This is probably the most dramatic thing I've ever written.**_

_**As the story progresses, however, I would like to know if you would prefer to have more detail on something in some places. You help me out, and I might add to the chapter to make it flow better or slow it down. Usually I write incredibly slow stories, but this one isn't. **_

_**I'd love you all if you'd review anyway!**_


	2. Chapter 2: Quiet

"Well, your pregnancy test was right," Dr. Laura Bolton stated as she entered the exam room Lindsay currently occupied. "Blood tests confirm it. You're about six weeks along."

"Six weeks?" Lindsay asked surprised.

Dr. Bolton smiled. "You didn't notice you were late? Most women check like clockwork."

"My job's stressful, I don't usually worry about it," Lindsay managed haltingly. Six weeks pregnant? Danny was going to kill her.

"I'm going to get you on pre-natal vitamins and get you set with another appointment, okay?"

"I…" Lindsay started, looking down at her hands.

"Unless you're not keeping the baby." The doctor was looking concerned.

Lindsay looked up alarmed. Not keep the baby? That hadn't even crossed her mind. Her decision wasn't a difficult one to make. "No, no, no. I'm keeping the baby."

"Then we'll set up the next appointment."

* * *

Lindsay was extremely preoccupied when she stepped into the lab after her appointment. She'd already cleared the appointment with Mac, so her late entrance into the lab was not going to be a big deal to her supervisor, nor to Stella.

"Montana," Danny called from down the hall, noticing her step off the elevator. "You're never late."

"Doctor's appointment," she answered, urging herself not to flinch at the unknown double entendre of his sentence.

"You okay?"

She looked up at him, slightly startled by the question. "Sorry, I keep zoning out."

"The appointment, Linds. You okay?"

"Doctor said so," she answered, carefully avoiding the subject of her pregnancy. She wasn't sure how he'd take it and she was pretty sure a child was not something he was prepared to be tied down to. They'd never even discussed having kids or anything past the current stage of their relationship.

"What made you go?"

"Routine check up, Dan. I'm fine," she promised with a smile at his protectiveness.

He pulled her to his side, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Good. You still working with Stella?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Just got a double homicide," he answered with a sigh. "Hawkes, Mac and I are on it."

"Let me know if you're going to be home for dinner okay? I should be off at the end of shift," she said.

"Sure thing," he replied, glancing quickly around the hall and pecking a kiss to her lips. "I'll see you."

"Yeah."

* * *

Stella pulled Lindsay down the hall when she returned from her second doctor's appointment in as many months.

"Okay, Lindsay, spill. Now," she ordered.

"Stella, I have no idea what you're talking about," Lindsay said with a sigh.

"You were late today and Mac had no idea why. Danny didn't even know where you were. Then there's the bathroom runs, the tea instead of coffee, the care on cases… That's not like you. What's happening?"

"I haven't been feeling well, that's all."

"You're a coffee addict, Lindsay, I've never seen you turn down a cup before."

"Tea's healthier."

Stella sat Lindsay down in her chair, reclining against the desk. "Lindsay…"

"I'm pregnant," she finally blurted.

Stella was still for a minute. "You're not happy about it?" she asked tentatively.

"I don't know, Stel," she said, running a hand over her head, pushing her hair back.

"You don't know? I'm sure Danny's excited."

Lindsay wouldn't meet Stella's eyes.

"Lindsay?"

"I haven't told him." she admitted. "Stella, I can't."

Stella crouched in front of Lindsay. "Why not?"

"I just… I can't do it."

"You've come this far together. He'll stand beside you, not matter what you decide. You know that."

Lindsay felt tears welling in her eyes. "That's not it."

"Then what on earth is going on? When was the last time you and Danny spent a night together?"

"With cases, we haven't had the time. He's working when I'm not, I'm working when he's not… we haven't even been able to have a real meal together."

Stella sighed. They'd taken so long to come to this point. It had taken forever for Lindsay to finally accept that Danny was going to be there for her, through thick and thin. Something like this, keeping a secret from him like his own child with the woman it was so obvious he loved, could tear them apart.

"Why haven't you told him?"

"I cannot do it, Stella. I can't."

The older woman sighed. "You have to tell Mac, Lindsay. He's going to want to know about this."

Lindsay dropped her head into her hands. "I didn't want this to happen," she said, her voice muffled by her hands.

Stella put a hand on the young CSI's back. "It'll work out Lindsay. I promise."

* * *

"Have you told him?" Stella asked a couple of weeks later as they processed another scene side by side.

Lindsay shook her head sadly. "What if he doesn't want it?"

"Then he'll talk to you about it. You've come this far, it's not really fair to be mistrusting now."

"Stel, you don't understand, I can't risk something like that."

Stella stopped processing and looked at her companion and the forlorn look on her face. "You're going to regret it more if you don't tell him anything," she said wisely.

"I know that, but…"

"You can't risk it," Stella quoted. "Why not?"

"I'm not… I can't talk about it."

"Does anyone know?"

"A couple of people back in Montana," Lindsay answered softly. "It's a private matter Stel."

Stella sighed as she watched Lindsay retreat into the shell she'd built up so many months ago. Her relationship with Danny had broken down some of those walls, but apparently they weren't as many as the team had originally thought. "You have to talk to somebody."

"When I'm ready to talk about it, I will," Lindsay promised.

"The start of your second trimester," Stella said, her tone brooking no argument. "Whatever you have to do to be ready you'd better do before you start showing. Danny's going to be upset enough that I found out before he did, let alone that he's finding out with the rest of the lab because you're showing."

Sometimes, Lindsay hated it when Stella was right. "That's three weeks away," Lindsay whispered, doing the mental calculations in her head.

"Then you'd better do some quick thinking," Stella said. "I don't want to push, Linds, but Danny… you guys have something there and it would be a shame to start taking steps backwards now."

Lindsay took a deep breath, evaluating her options. "Two weeks," she decided. "I'll tell him sometime in the next two weeks."

Stella smiled. "There's my girl," she said, giving Lindsay a one armed hug before they both moved on to processing.

* * *

Lindsay sat on the couch at Danny's apartment a week later, completely and totally lost in thought. She didn't even hear Danny open and close the door. In fact, she didn't even register he was there until she felt the couch dip with his weight.

"You all right?" he asked, his hand trailing over her spine.

She looked up at him in surprise. "Danny!"

He laughed. "You must have been really out of it, Montana."

"Sorry," she apologized contritely. "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Anythin' you wanna talk 'bout?"

Lindsay shook her head. "Not right now."

It placated him that she would tell him. It was the way she worked. It took some time for her to process what was going on in her mind before she could talk to him, or anyone else.

"Take all the time you need."

* * *

_**Thanks to the reviewers! The whole thing's written, I'm just posting it. It's the second trimester and the day Lindsay's going back to work after her shooting that are important so weeks are going to be skipped like you would not believe. Let me know if there's something you'd prefer to see in between the scenes that are written!**_


	3. Chapter 3: History

"Lindsay, should you really be going to work?" Danny asked worriedly as he held back Lindsay's hair. It was the seventh day he'd had to do this and, quite frankly, he was getting worried. True, they hadn't had time to sit down and really talk in a few weeks, more likely to make it to the apartment of whoever was done first and simply crashing. Lindsay was inevitably up before he was and in the bathroom heaving, whether there was food in her stomach or not.

"I can't stop, Danny. Mac just gave Stella and me a new case yesterday. I have evidence to analyze. I can't just leave it all to her."

"One day off won't hurt, Montana."

Lindsay groaned as she lifted her head, feeling that she was finally finished. "If I can't get rid of this soon, I promise I'll take a few days off," she compromised. She was at the end of her first trimester and hoped that the sickness would subside. "Let's go to dinner tonight," she proposed, sitting back on her heels, though her arms rested on the seat of the toilet. She'd promised Stella and herself that she'd tell Danny about the pregnancy once she was fairly sure she was safe.

"You sure, Montana? You just got another visit by the meagre breakfast you ate."

Lindsay raised an eyebrow as playfully as she could. "You arguing with me, Messer?"

Danny chuckled, smoothing hair back from her face since he'd let it go. "Dinner it is." He glanced down at his watch. "I've got to get to the lab. Want me to let Stella know you'll be late?"

Lindsay nodded. "Assuming I'm done here I shouldn't be more than fifteen minutes."

Danny nodded and left.

Lindsay breathed a sigh of relief, thankful he hadn't asked more questions than she was prepared for. Now, she had to make it through the day before she would tell him.

* * *

She was surprised to find the halls essentially deserted as she strolled through the lab towards her office. The case was far from solved, but she had paperwork to finish on other cases and nothing to do until DNA and fingerprints came back.

She looked up from the folder in her hand when the elevator dinged, signalling an arrival. She figured it would be one of the cops from the precinct, but was surprised when it was a regular young man.

"Can I help you?" she called, stopping just in front of her office door.

Danny heard her voice from inside the room, and moved to the door to see what was going on. Just as he opened the door to step out, a shot rang through the halls. Making sure his gun was in one hand, he opened the door, his breath catching when he noticed it was Lindsay sprawled on the floor.

The next thirty seconds happened faster than his mind could process. The man advanced on Lindsay, screaming about how she'd ruined everything and she deserved to die. Two shots rang out and the man fell back. He looked up down the hall where Stella was standing, gun drawn, her face white.

"Someone get 911 on the line!" someone else was yelling as Danny dropped next to the woman on the floor.

"Lindsay! Montana, come on, don't be dead!"

Lindsay's eyes fluttered open. "Danny?"

"It's me. Stay with me, okay?" he urged, looking over her body and seeing the crimson leaking out from just below her collar bone. He cursed under his breath, pushing his hands over the area.

"I'm…" she tried, gasping with breath. "I'm sorry, Danny."

"This isn't your fault, Linds. Don't you ever think that."

"Not about that," she managed. "About not telling you..."

"We said we were going to go slow with the sharing, remember? Don't worry about it," he interrupted her, keeping his hands pressed on her chest and wishing he had a towel or something to press on it.

Before she could say anything else, the EMTs arrived, pushing Danny out of the way. Stella looked absolutely torn before she approached them. "Be careful with her," she said seriously. "She's pregnant. Three months." She knew the look on Danny's face was going to be one of complete and utter shock and she kept her eyes on the EMT. When he nodded his understanding and radioed it to the hospital she stepped back, closing her eyes.

"Stella?"

That was Mac's voice, not Danny's and she found herself breathing out a miniscule sigh of relief. "We have to get to the hospital." Finally, she turned to face him, Danny, hands red with Lindsay's blood, beside him, shocked and hurt.

"Look, she may not make it, okay? That bullet could have hit an artery. The pregnancy is the least of our worries." The last part was an utter lie. She knew how important this pregnancy was to Lindsay and had an inkling about how hurt Danny was. She locked eyes with Danny and saw not only hurt, but a lost look in his eyes.

"She…"

"She'll be fine, Danny," Stella encouraged, berating herself for saying the bullet could have hit an artery. The last thing she'd wanted to do was scare him more. "Let's get to the hospital. They'll want to talk to her next of kin."

* * *

Danny sat at Lindsay's bedside, not touching her, but watching her breathing. His eyes periodically jotted to her stomach, realizing that there was something, a little life, growing there that they'd created together. She'd kept that from him.

They'd talked about making their situation permanent. Hell, they'd already moved in together. And that wasn't what hurt the most. What frustrated him above all else was that she didn't trust him to confide in him. He wanted to trust her, but this was a big secret to keep from him. He wasn't sure if he could forgive her for this one.

"Danny?" Stella stood at the door and from the look on her face he could almost believe she knew his turmoil.

"Why?" he croaked out.

"Why what?"

"She didn't…"

"Let's focus on waking her up, okay? Once she's coherent, I'm sure she'll tell you everything."

* * *

Lindsay groaned as reality reasserted itself. She hurt. Then it all came slowly creeping back to her as she kept her eyes closed, her breathing even. However, once she reached her shooting her eyes shot open.

"Danny!"

But it wasn't his comforting, callused hand that took hers to calm her down. "Breathe, Aunt Lindsay."

"Emily?"

"Detective Bonesera called me. I came as soon as I could."

Lindsay wanted to cry. "Where's Danny?"

The sigh Emily let out was answer enough. "I don't know."

She was in pain, she knew nothing about what her prognosis was and she had no idea where Danny was. The compounded emotions that she'd woken with broke her. She managed to keep the tears to a minimum and the sob from her voice to ask about her baby.

"Baby's fine," came Stella's clear voice from the door. "Bullet went into your shoulder, no where close to your stomach. They had a bit of a worry about blood loss but it evened itself out. Since you woke up I think it's safe to assume both mom and baby are just fine."

Lindsay looked hopefully at Stella. "Where's Danny?"

"Mac sent him home an hour ago for some food and sleep."

"He's been here?" The relief she felt coursing through her system allowed for the drugs to start taking effect. She was drifting off again.

"Of course he has," Stella responded. "Now get some sleep."

* * *

_**And here starts the Drama. Hope you guys are still enjoying this!**_


	4. Chapter 4: Silence

Lindsay was sitting up when Stella entered the hospital room a couple of days later, her eyes lost out the window.

"Lindsay?"

She glanced at Stella, smiling for a split second before turning her eyes back out the window. "Hey Stella."

"What's going on?"

"Have you seen Danny?"

Stella's eyebrows creased in confusion. "Everyday."

"So he's okay?"

"Lindsay, what's going on?"

"I haven't seen him since I got shot," she revealed.

Now Stella's eyebrows shot to her hairline. "He hasn't been to visit you?"

Lindsay shook her head. "I haven't seen him," she repeated. "He's mad at me, isn't he? He knows and he's mad."

"He knows," Stella confirmed, aware she was walking on thin ice. "I had to tell the EMTs when the loaded you into the ambulance."

Lindsay flopped back against the bed as best she could. "I didn't mean for him to find out like that."

"I know."

"I was going to tell him. We were supposed to go out for dinner and I was going to tell him," she said, her hands twisting in the sheets. "I don't want to have this baby alone."

Stella sat on the edge of Lindsay's bed and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. "You're not in this alone," she promised. "No way."

Lindsay buried her head in Stella's shoulder and began to cry silently. Stella pulled her as tight as she could without jarring wires or stitching. She was surprised when she focused on the door to see a familiar head.

Danny.

Carefully, she extracted herself from Lindsay, promising to be back in a minute, then left.

* * *

Danny looked up from his chair in the waiting room at the end of the hall. The clicking of Stella's shoes alerted him to her presence. 

"You're an idiot."

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you just watch her in the window, Danny? Is that all you do? She's been destroyed! She was just shot! And all you can do is stand outside the door and watch instead of going in to comfort her! It should have been you with your arms around her, not me."

"She lied to me!" Danny exploded, lack of sleep and stress making his temper short.

Stella's temper, however, would always match his. "She needs you now and you're not there for her!"

Danny deflated as hurt flooded his system. "I can't face her, Stel," he said softly. "I just can't."

Stella's irritation, however, hadn't abated. "Why not? I can't help her Danny because I have no idea what to do. You're the only one that knows, the one that knows anything about this girl."

"Except that she's pregnant."

"I was the only one she told," Stella told him, trying to keep her voice calm. "I was the only one that knew. Don't be childish about this."

"Childish? I'm being childish?"

"You're dropping her at the first true sign of complication! You've been through more than this, Danny and you've worked back from it. Hell, she turned you down and you still worked to get her to like you. You know she's not like the other girls you dated, so with her you should be different."

"I am!" Danny exploded. "She still hides things from me, still won't talk about anything!"

"You mean her family? You don't either!" She shook her head. "You guys are quite the pair. Stubborn, hot-headed and neither of you is willing to give an inch, even if it destroys your relationship. Fine. Watch it crash and burn, but realize that you are as much at fault for it as she is. You're not going to fix it and she can't." Stella didn't give him time to respond, just turned on her heels and went back to what she felt was more important.

After all, Lindsay's sanity was more important than Danny's demons.

* * *

Stella took Lindsay and Emily home a week later claiming Danny was working. Though Lindsay did believe that as the truth, it hurt that Danny would rather work than face her. 

Her time in the hospital had left her with a lot of thinking and plenty of that thinking got done. She and Danny had come so far in their relationship over the ten months of their relationship and she liked to believe that she'd done a very good job of opening up to him. There were still things she kept private, but they were things she'd figured were buried.

Her pregnancy had proven her very, very wrong.

Her demons weren't as buried as she'd thought and in her current situation, she wished she'd shared everything with him. Nevertheless, there really wasn't anything she could do at this point and he hadn't been returning the few calls she'd been able to squeeze in during her hospital visit. Eventually, she'd just given up and resigned herself to some awkward days in the lab when she got back.

She wasn't desperate enough to ask anything from him. She figured he wanted as little to do with her as possible and she wouldn't force this child on him. It wasn't her style. If he didn't want them, she would find some way to handle it on her own. She'd decided the same thing once in her life and she was more than willing to do it again.

She begged off doing anything other than sleeping when the three women made it up to Lindsay's apartment and both women had no chance but to agree. Stella headed back to the lab and Emily made herself comfortable on the couch.

"You don't have to stay with me. I'm sure I'll be just fine on my own," Lindsay said to her niece.

Whether it was intuition on Emily's part, or just the knowledge she had of her aunt, Emily wouldn't leave. "What are you going to do if something happens? I'm going to stay and make sure you and Baby are getting better."

Lindsay didn't argue.

* * *

"Hey Stel," Danny greeted, poking his head into her office. 

"Danny," she answered, preoccupied with the report she was doing.

"Um… Can I ask you a question without you taking my head off?"

"Depends on the question, Dan. If you're asking about Lindsay, find someone else."

Her sharp tone caught him off guard and he sighed. "Just… Is she okay?"

Sometimes he drove her completely insane. "Ask Lindsay."

Danny closed his eyes but stayed silent.

Stella took some pity on him, though it came out in anger. "She cries herself to sleep, wakes up with nightmares of the shooting she went through in Montana and wants nothing more than to curl up in your arms and fall back to sleep. She's getting cabin fever but doesn't want to brave the lab until she absolutely has to because she doesn't want to run into you and deal with the heartbreak of seeing you when she feels like she can't have you…"

"I get it, Stel."

Finally, she looked up at him. "She won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. She's willing to raise this baby on her own if you don't want anything to do with it and she's been damn strong when I'm around. Emily's been staying with her and she's the only one that's experienced Lindsay's tears. You should be there, Danny, not Emily."

"How am I supposed to trust her? This was a big thing."

"And she has a good reason for why she's hiding it, I'm sure. You have to trust that there was a reason she was hiding it and that she wanted to tell you." Though the words were gentle in their advice, her anger and frustration at the way he was handling Lindsay's injury were driving her completely insane. Her emotions made the words harsh and angry.

"I need space to think about all of this," Danny protested. "I'm not going to be any good to her."

"You're not being any good to her," Stella shot back, turning back to her pages. "Talk to her."

Danny sighed. "I can't."

Stella watched him leave before letting out an exasperated groan and slamming her fist on the desk angrily. Stupid, stubborn, bull-headed, pride-driven...children! Stella grumbled to herself, hoping they found their perp so she could lay into him instead of one of her friends.

* * *

**_Consider this a New Year's Present. Happy New Year!_**


	5. Chapter 5: Pain

The first time Emily brought up why Lindsay hadn't said anything to Danny, Lindsay had burst out crying. The second time, she'd yelled and screamed that it was none of Emily's business. However, the young woman had strength and perseverance characteristic of her family and though she retreated she didn't stop forever.

"Aunt Linds, seriously. Why didn't you tell him? You love him, I know him, he loves you! You're pregnant, why aren't you happy about that?"

"I am, Emily."

"Then why didn't you tell him! He found out because Stella blurted it out at emergency personnel because you were shot! He had a right to know before that!"

"I couldn't tell him Emily."

"WHY NOT!" Now Emily was outright yelling. "You used to be the one to prove to me that there was a chance for me to have a family and a career. You're going to have a baby! It's healthy, regardless of the fact that you got shot."

"The last time I was pregnant, I was shot and the baby died!" Lindsay yelled, finally cutting though her niece's tirade.

Emily's mouth snapped shut immediately. It took a few tries before she could get her voice to work. "You were never pregnant."

Lindsay hung her head. This was the part that hurt the most. "I was pregnant, Emily. Years and years ago. The shooting killed my baby."

"But…"

"I wanted to keep it, the father didn't. He was… he was the one who shot me."

There was a lot, apparently, Emily didn't know about her aunt. "Is that how you got Dad to convince Mom to let me stay? Does Dad know?"

"Nobody knows," Lindsay said adamantly. "No one except the CSI that worked the case and the doctor that told me I'd lost the baby."

"You didn't tell anyone?" Emily asked, surprised.

"No."

Emily sat down beside Lindsay on the couch. "You went through all of that on your own."

Lindsay sighed. "Honey, I couldn't stay in Montana. I couldn't face all of that. If people found out…"

"You didn't have to go through it by yourself," Emily insisted. "You could have told someone."

"Danny doesn't know."

"And you didn't tell him because of this?"

"Stella had convinced me to tell him, and I was going to. We'd planned on going to dinner that night and I was going to tell him then but… I got shot."

"And you were afraid you'd lose the baby?"

"I didn't know where I'd been shot, I didn't know much about what was going on. All I knew was that I'd been shot and I could lose my baby. I couldn't lose my baby again, not when it was Danny's."

"You really risked everything for this?" Emily whispered.

"I don't… I can't…" Tears sprang to her eyes and started running down her cheeks. "I miss him, Bunny."

Emily sighed as she wrapped her arm around her tightly. "He loves you, Aunt Linds, you know that."

"He's mad at me. He probably hates me now."

"Stop it. Enough. You're stronger than that."

"He hates me."

"I don't think he could ever hate you," Emily told her with a sigh. "Let's watch a movie, okay?"

Lindsay wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Hormones."

* * *

Emily walked purposely through the lab, knowing Stella was the only person Lindsay had told about the pregnancy.

"Something has to change," she said without preamble when she reached Stella's office. It was a paperwork day and so Stella was fairly easy to track down.

"Emily, hi. What do you mean?"

"Aunt Linds has cried herself to sleep last night… AGAIN."

"What?"

"She misses Detective Messer horribly. She's cried herself to sleep every day since she's been released."

"He hasn't been to see her?" Stella asked, surprised. Sometimes the two of them could be beyond thick.

"Not since she left the hospital."

"What is wrong with him?"

"I wish I knew," Emily said sadly, sinking into the chair across from Stella's desk.

"He loves her."

"I know."

"The baby's still alive."

"Yeah, and fine according to doctors."

"What is he doing?"

Emily and Stella locked eyes. Emily knew she didn't have to voice her request.

"I'll talk to him."

* * *

Stella found Danny in the locker room, looking a little worse for wear.

"Rough month?" she asked, knowing very well it had been.

Danny glared at her.

"Oh stop it. It wasn't my place to tell you anything. I had to weasel it out of her." She'd forgiven him for being a pain, simply because it was Danny and that was the way he was. She'd be of more use to him as a friend than she would be when she was angry at him.

"She should have told me."

Stella sat beside him. "She was going to. She told me the day of her shooting that she was going to tell you everything."

"Everything?"

"I didn't understand either. I just figured she meant about the baby."

"I can't talk to her, Stel. Not after this."

She called his name as he went to leave. "She needs you now more than ever. Are you really going to give up on something you worked so hard for?"

Danny locked eyes with the woman he considered as good as a sister. "I don't know if I can trust her."

Stella sighed. "She comes back in a week. Fix this before then or you're going to have to deal with Mac."

* * *


	6. Chapter 6: Repairing

He had no idea what he was doing in front of her apartment. He'd overheard Stella say that tomorrow was Lindsay's first day back and the last thing he wanted was awkwardness in the office because of this. He'd puzzled for hours over what to do, Stella's words ringing sharply in his head. Was he really willing to give up Lindsay Monroe, a woman he'd worked so hard to get to go out with him, because of something he had no idea about?

Finally he gathered his courage and knocked on the door.

She pulled it open, looking like hell, but Danny had seen her at her worst and loved her in spite of it. Those same feelings welled up in his chest almost choking him.

She looked at him, absolutely terrified. "Hi."

Danny stuck his hands in his pockets. "We have to talk."

She opened the door and looked at the ground, anything to avoid his piercing stare. She'd been preparing herself to tell him, but she wasn't ready yet.

He turned to face her once he was inside. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Danny…" she sighed.

"No. I want the truth Lindsay."

Her eyes pleaded with him to understand, to give her more time. "I couldn't."

"You couldn't tell me you were pregnant? You couldn't tell me the one thing that would change my life completely?"

"There was more to tell than being pregnant," she tried, her heart beating triple time in her chest and making her breath come shallow.

"Then tell me, Lindsay, because I sure as hell don't understand."

"I…" she started, trying to regain her footing and scrounge up some kind of courage.

Danny was irritated. "I trusted you, put myself out there with this whole relationship thing and it comes back to slap me in the face. Partners and people in relationships aren't supposed to keep secrets from each other." His eyes were hurt and angry. "Don't you trust me?"

The look in his eyes made her breath catch. "I do trust you Danny, I do. This… this is bigger than just a baby, this is bigger than you and me."

"I want you to tell me damnit!" he exploded, making Lindsay jump.

She had to keep breathing, had to force air into her lungs. "You remember the shooting that gave me nightmares during the Stevenson case? The one that started our relationship?" she asked softly, beseeching him to work with her for a few minutes.

"Of course I do."

"The shooting… The guy who shot me was my… boyfriend at the time. I'd just found out I was pregnant and there was no way this child had a father other than him," she said, focusing her eyes on the floor again and playing with her hands. She was happy for the support of the door behind her. The emotions racing through her were going to break her.

"He cornered me on a case. I was going to keep the baby. I wanted it dearly because then maybe my parents would finally be proud of me for something. I was going to be a mother. I hadn't told my boss, hadn't told pretty much anybody. When he shot me, he aimed for my stomach, aimed for my baby."

Tears were racing down her cheeks and she'd wrapped her arms around her stomach in a protective gesture for both her and the baby. "The doctor told me that they couldn't save the baby. He killed my baby."

She looked up at him finally, her eyes filled with the pain of the memory. "My parents never knew, my family never knew, nobody ever knew. I didn't tell anybody." She looked down. "I couldn't do it again, Danny. I was absolutely terrified to get your hopes up by telling you. I wanted to wait until my first trimester was over, until I could figure something out with Mac about less dangerous cases, ones that were more open and shut or more lab work and less field work. I was going to tell you the night I was shot, when we went out to dinner. That day was the end of my first trimester."

He continued to just look at her, trying to absorb it all. "You were pregnant before."

She held in a sob, looking at the roof at her apartment. "I was so scared, Danny. What if I'd had a miscarriage again, what if you didn't want a baby, what if…." The sob caught in her throat and she choked on it.

He hated seeing her cry. "Come here, Montana," he said softly, opening his arms to her.

She looked at him hopefully until he waved her forward again. Seconds later her head was buried in his shoulder as she sobbed. "I missed you," she repeated over and over again.

He held her closely until her sobbing settled down. "I missed you too."

Lindsay pulled back, her tears leaving red trails down her face. "I'm so sorry, Danny. I didn't want to hurt you with this. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be excited about it."

"You aren't any more?" he asked her softly, cupping her face and wiping the last trails of her tears.

"I want to be."

How many times had he pictured a future with her? How many times had he dreamed of her pregnant? How many times had he found himself yearning to see her cradling their baby? He made a split second decision. "You should be."

The spark of hope she'd been missing since she'd been shot and she'd seen the hurt flash through Danny's eyes as Stella yelled to the EMT's that she was pregnant. "I should be?"

His hand trailed down her arm, finally coming to rest on her stomach. "We're going to have a baby," he said in awe.

A smile stretched across her face as she laughed through her tears. "We are," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "I love you, Lindsay."

That stunned her and she froze, her hand on his on his stomach. "What?"

He smiled at her. "I worked hard to get you to like me, Montana. If I didn't love you by this point there would be something wrong with me."

She smiled, fresh tears of happiness coursing down her face. "I love you too," she told him, her voice coarse with the tears.

The smile he flashed was better than any grin he'd ever flashed her in the past. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her cheeks and finally her lips. "You know," he started when he finally pulled away from her mouth. "We never got to celebrate your pregnancy."

"No," she agreed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We didn't."

He nodded sagely. "I think we should."

She chuckled. "I agree."

* * *

Hours later, Lindsay was fast asleep against his chest and he was wide awake. They were going to have to talk about sharing their pasts, about meeting their families, especially with this baby on the way.

She shifted against him, a sure sign that she was awake,

"Montana," he said softly. "Come on."

"Five more minutes, Danny," she groaned. "'m tired."

He chuckled. "You can have a couple of hours if you chat with me now," he cajoled.

She looked up, eyes all blurry with sleep and hair tussled. "What is it?"

"Something has to change, Lindsay."

"Hm?" She was still half asleep and therefore only half paying attention to what he was saying.

Danny shook her a little bit more firmly. "Montana, I'm serious."

She moved so her arms were folded over his heart, her chin resting on her hands and her body pressed against his. "I'm listening, I promise."

"This can't happen again," he told her seriously. "We have to trust each other."

"What do you mean?"

"No more of these secrets. No more blindsiding each other."

"You mean talk about the past."

"Mine and yours," he agreed. "Give and take."

Lindsay thought for a moment, her eyes locked on his. "I can't think of anymore deep dark things you don't already know," she admitted. "This was the only other thing…"

His hand stroked up and down her back, reading her emotions in her eyes. Stark and utter truth permeated their depths and he felt his biggest doubts subside. "That makes one of us."

"I'm not going to pressure you, Danny," she said softly. "You'll tell me eventually."

He was taken aback. She was letting him off the hook after he'd gotten upset with her earlier for not just telling him? "Why?"

"Why what?"

"After I forced you to tell me, you're just going to let me go?"

"You'll tell me when you're ready," she repeated. "And I didn't tell you I was pregnant."

Danny sighed, carefully and gently aligning Lindsay's body to his so he could kiss her thoroughly. "What did I do to deserve to keep you?"

She smiled, the smile he liked to call 'his'. "You loved me," she responded. "That's more than enough."

* * *

_**This got turned around on Danny and I'm not totally sure how. I hope it makes sense…**_


	7. Chapter 7: Birth

Lindsay held little Nicholas Louie Messer in her arms after thirteen hours of labour, completely and utterly exhausted. Her little boy was a stubborn one, though with the parents he had, it wasn't a surprising trait. Danny had been there for the delivery and held her hand, regardless of how strong her grip had gotten. Finally he stepped into the room again, having just said goodbye to Stella, Mac and the rest.

Danny smiled at the picture Lindsay and his son made. He couldn't be happier. Or so he thought, until he felt the weight of the box against his thigh. He'd had it since the eighth month of their relationship but had never found the right time to ask. He knew that as her pregnancy progressed, any proposal would seem like he was trying to do the right thing by marrying his baby's mother, but she was more than that.

"Hey Montana."

She looked up from cuddling her son with a ridiculously large smile on her face. So much had happened since her shooting. They'd argued over whether or not to move in together, ultimately deciding that not only was it cost effective, but it saved from carting their baby back and forth. Lindsay had done interrogations visibly pregnant, and Danny had blown up at her 'carelessness'. He'd dealt with her cabin fever when she was finally off on maternity leave. "Hey back."

He liked to believe they were stronger because they'd argued and fought. They'd been through some of the worst things a couple could experience and come out better for it. "You're gorgeous."

His compliments never failed to make her blush. "I look like hell." Her hair had been pulled into a hasty ponytail after the birth and she was attached to an IV with mild painkillers to help with the aftershocks. She wore a hospital gown and cradled his son in her arms.

"Nothing could be better."

She smiled before gently holding Nicholas out for him. "Hold him?"

Carefully he took the small bundle from his arms, mirroring the way he'd seen not only Lindsay, but Stella, Mac, Hawkes, Flack and even Sid hold the small life. This was the first time he'd gotten a chance to hold his son in all of the chaos.

"He's got your eyes," she whispered, tears gathering.

Danny moved to sit on the bed, cradling his son in one arm and taking Lindsay's hand in the other. "You know, Montana, there was a question I wanted to ask you."

Her keen eye on Nicholas she said, "Sure."

"Well, we've been through a lot," he started, flying by the seat of his pants. "We've been through shootings, through families, through who knows what else, but there are a few things that have stayed constant through it all."

She raised an eyebrow, not sure where he wanted to go with all of this. "I'm missing the question."

"I know we made our living arrangements permanent, but I want to make our relationship permanent." Finally he disentangled his hand from hers and delved into his pocket, pulling out the ring box.

"Danny," Lindsay breathed in surprise.

"I'm not asking you to marry me because of Nicky, I want you to understand that. I've had this ring since our eight-month anniversary, I just never got the chance to plan the proposal."

The tears that had gathered from before poured down her face. "It's okay," she promised. Then she locked her eyes with his. "Are you sure about this?"

"Totally, completely sure," he assured her, pulling the ring from the inside of the box with her help. "Marry me?"

Lindsay nodded, not sure if she could use her voice. "Yes," she finally managed on a sob. "Yes."

Once he had the ring on her finger she shuffled over to make room for him on the hospital bed. Making sure to hand Nicholas back to his mother first, so as not to injure him, Danny climbed on the bed, wrapping an arm around Lindsay's back and watching her cradle their baby.

Now he had everything he hadn't expected to have. If asked a year ago, Danny would have laughed at the suggestion that he'd be settling down, that he'd be engaged or have a baby of his own. He found that he didn't mind the drastic change in his life, nor the time span in which it had occurred.

Evenutally, after the nurse had come in to take Nicholas to the nursery, both Lindsay and Danny drifted off, thinking of their new life together.


End file.
